August 10th,2012

HELLO EVERYONE !!! '

My apologizes for not consistently blogging. It has been a busy active summer. I guess that is a good thing less time to sit and have idle thoughts of what was and what could have been. Well, summer is now almost over. The school year will soon be starting if it already hasn't by now in your area. I had an article catch my eye tonight as I was surfing around my news feed on Facebook. A mother in Harlem speaking out on stop and frisk. She lost her four year old son to a stray bullet while the innocent child was playing in what they felt was a safe place, a sandbox in a local park. She has, sadly to report, lost all her sons to gang violence. There are wayyyyy to many stories out there like this one! Our assailants have NEVER been captured nor turned themselves in. NOTHING;a year later and NO closure !! Well, if they have been caught no one in our family has been notified. It is not fair as you are mumbling under your breathe, no its not!!! But, what does one do?? You keep on keeping on that is what you do !! You remember your loved ones spirit !! You never let it die ! You try to be a better person to make a difference in this ugly evil world we live in. I say its ugly and evil world as really what kind of world allows people to kill someone's innocent baby regardless their age !!! I try so hard to stay away from the evil of the world as all it will do is suck you in !! There are a lot of good people in this world though that are trying as well to make a difference !! Pastor Corey Brooks Walk Across America from Chicago to California. But, there just isn't enough to make a complete change !! Granted, God is big and large and always in charge. But, it takes an army to fight this war we are fighting daily in our American neighborhoods. A war of gangs on gangs that are shooting at each other in turn killing the innocent. That is the war we are fighting !! Just read Anaheim California's daily headlines. I totally disagree with how they are handling it on a professional level. They have let it get completely out of hand to where they are dealing with violence on top of violence !! You can't go into a gang ridden out neighborhood with military police tanks and expect peace !!! Give me a break !!!! Okay I will get off my soap box there . My heart just aches for this mom who lost her four year old son and all her other sons to boot. Someone have a heart help these people out !! Keep them always in prayers !!! Just cause you live in a decent neighborhood does not give you the right to forget about children that live in fear over gangs !! Even if all you are doing is praying that is saying a whole lot !! Just remember them in your prayers tonight and always !!! God Bless our children of the USA !!! May God and our angels always keep them safe !!!

July 20th,2012 Day Of Prayer

Good Morning Everyone !! By now the world has heard of the senseless and terribly sad tragic shootings that took place in Colorado early this morning !!! The President of The United States stated , " A day of prayer "" as it should be !! This is what I have been blogging on since June 18th, 2011 when we lost our beloved to violent gang shooting !!! This is becoming a world wide epidemic !!! To the point that people of the USA are not opening their eyes to because it hasn't happened to them--YET !!!! Not saying it will but by God's force of people being tired of this act that others getting involved making awareness, making communities safer regardless whether it has entered yours or not, we might be able to make this shit stop !! Yes, I am a bit emotional today !! That is what happens after one has gone through this you get over emotional to crap like this !! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH !!!! I have had it with the evil of this world !! I literally have seen so much dark shit this year its enough to make one go under the covers till the duration !!! But that is NOT God's plan for me !! DON'T GIVE UP !!!! Don't let others give up !!!!!! This year started off June 18th with my 17 year old grandson being murdered, a childhood friend being horribly murdered on Jan 6th,2012, an F-2 tornado ripping through my town taking over 40 % of it on Feb 28th,2012 , 50 ft from my dam house, my best friend of 10 plus years dyeing of cancer on March 2nd,2012 within a month of being diagnosed !!!! For real God and then all the evil of the world in between !!!! How much can one take enough to FINALLY say I HAVE had enough !! God has a plan for me and for you whatever your hell may be right now He has a plan !!! Don't give up !!!!! Whether it be telling the entire world your story or starting a community organization to benefit others !!!! If you HAVE gone through such senseless tragedy don't keep it to yourself open up to someone that pain WILL hit believe me when it hits its like a river of tears and being choked to death all at the same time !! This world needs more of God & Jesus however you look at it once we took Him out of everything boom hell hit !!!! Meaning shunning on prayer and just the belief in God alone !! When you do have something so horrible happen that is ALL you have left is God !!! Call me bible thumper God freak I don't care I would rather be that than to have all the hate and anger this world throws at us on a daily basis !! I am in the works as some of you have been following on making a world wide internet org/website/charity for such victims. To let them know they are NOT alone to let them know what is in their neighborhood !! It is taking time to create and research it but with God's love and help it will be done !! So, with that please join me and millions of others for this day to be a day of prayer for the victims of Colorado !! As I HAVE always stated NO OTHER family should EVER have to go through with what we went through on June 18th, 2011. Have a very blessed weekend and always always be safe !!!!!! I love you always my sweet grandson !!!!

July 10th, 2012

""""ONE DAY IS WORTH A THOUSAND TOMORROWS """"""""""""""

That is hard for some too see another tomorrow--but it does happen it does come; it at times takes what feels like a lifetime to get here when our world has been torn apart from losing a loved one. I blog on my story to try and share some hope with others, to let the world know our story !! That hopefully this does not have to happen to yet another mother, yet another family broken hearted due to gun killings by gang members !! Their is love in this world however it is very hard to see on some days but believe me it truly is there, LOVE !! Last night I got a bit emotional and that is just how it is for me at times, one emotion at a time !!! One second at a time !! One breath at a time !! People/friends tell me they love my writing, I am however my worst critic. Last night just totally caught up with me !! I have been following the news on the gang shootings in Chicago. Then, they switched it over to LA. That, hit home !!! Then they did the interview with Ram and I think I was expecting way more out of that interview not a lecture/speech on values/statistics !! How much of that interview was on or about political votes ???? Probably ALL of it !!!! He was a bit convincing though when he gave his feelings about the children being these gangs targets in the end. He got angry !! Well, guess what Ram the families of these innocent victims are angry !! Its a different type of anger however, not a revenge anger full of hate and evil. But, a motivational anger to want something to happen to protect our children, Do something more than just give a speech and throw out numbers !!!!!!!!! Hire people that have gone through this that are willing to get involved . Not a dangerous involvement type but to get involved !!! Whether it be to start an organization to help these families and be an advocate when it happens to them, or write a bill/law, or even like me just to blog on it !!! GET INVOLVED !! Help protect our streets help make the world safer for our children and loved one's !!!! Will it EVER be a safer world one asks ?? Of course it can be, it didn't take one person to build the arch or even the Titanic !! It takes a body of people to be at the point of being sick and tired for change to occur !!!!!!!! I want this world to be way more safer when my child enters it as an adult than what it is now !!!!! I can't protect him forever , when he enters the world as an adult its his responsibility and the world's responsibility to make him safe !!!!!! How come some of these missionary groups from religious organizations do not go to our own cities in the US and do their missionary work there instead of going to other countries ?????!!!! Because I think some are afraid of the bad wrap they will receive some are afraid to take a stand !!! Free food is just not enough people they need sooooooooooo much more !! As my dear friend AG sings about in his song what would you do if you could rule the world ?? Such a powerful song !!!! Can be taken to so many different heights !! I am working on making something happen, not writing laws, not going in to the neighborhoods but something is going to be done soon on awareness for these communities; it is just taking time but it will be done !!!! So, I am going to end this blog this morning with a request. PLEASE, if you have gone through such horrible tragedy of losing a child to these gang monsters, or lost a loved one or a friend due to gang shootings PLEASE, don't keep ALL of the pain bottled up inside !!! Find someone you can trust to talk to !!!! Share your tragedy with others as sad as it sounds it does help others that have gone through it !! To know we are not alone !!!!!!! Give your strength to others pay it forward !! "'Don't let the world change your heart Don't let the world take away your heart Don't let the world take away your smile """"" Have a most blessed day everyone & always always be safe !!!!

July 6, 2012

R.I.P. Little Heaven Angel Baby !!!

I have to say after reading Heaven's story I am in tears !! And I am angry !! This isn't fair !! Do they not know they are tearing a families world apart when they do this take away our sweet babies !!! ??? PLEASE STOP !!!!!! PLEASE with every ounce of prayer I have in me make these gang members stop Jesus !!!!! And the names of these innocent children just tears at my heart Emanuel ( my grandson ) Angelica ( our friend ) and Baby Angel and now this sweet little innocent girl Heaven. They all had the world in the palm of their hands the future was theirs and then the POS take it away just like that !!!! I am not saying go after them in the same manner, just make them stop !!! How much more does this world need to see before serious changes need to take place ???? Come on Obama and Congress we don't care ( we do but not MY top priority ) about the economy and you spending trillons of dollars to fix it , big government they say. WE WANT OUR STREETS SAFER !!!!! Campaign on something that means something to the average citizen !!! When this happens to a family prayer is ALL you do have !!!! Have a heart Congress/Obama do something !!!! There was a time when I focused on revenge but the killers of our sweet Emanuel aren't worth me having all that hate inside me. This is my way of honoring my grandson a way that I can make a difference being a voice for these victims !!! This little girl was selling candy in front of her house hours and during the time she was hit with stray bullets from a gang war going on down the street from her. As she was running inside for protection she had already been hit. She died a few hours later. Just gut wrenchingly unforgivable !!!!! They already Thank God have two suspects in custody, but I can guarantee you speaking from experience that isn't helpful that does not take the forever hole of emptiness inside a mother's soul away !!! I don't even know anymore if there is anything anyone can do except to be strong and forever be watching to protect your loved one's !! I said last night maybe National Guard needs to be called in as this is a war on our streets a forever daily unending war !!!! I just hold close in my prayers tonight prayers for healing for little Heaven's family and friends please do the same !!! You would if this was someone you loved and cared about !! Believe me !! Good night & God Bless and protect this world we live in !!!!

Happy 19th Birthday to our grandson Emanuel !!

This year has been exceptionally harder than last, last year I think it was because we were still grieving his death/murder. It was hard to lay him to rest then turn around and honor his birthday. At least for me I just kept on grieving his death. I couldn't see how to handle it any other way other than to just be sad for someone was gone that I would never have the opportunity to ever meet in this life time. My step daughter called last night, Emanuel's mom and told me she was going to make this cake for him today. I guarantee all from scratch. She just has such a strong special heart. I love that family too pieces always have not because of what happened. But, because of how strong they are in how they dealt with it and everything in between. It is more than you or I could bear I am sure of that !! Don't get me wrong their hearts are broke beyond repair they still grieve Emanuel & Angelica's loss every day!! We all do !! Not too mention grief makes people do the strangest things and say the things we wished we would never ever say and then when we say them its too late to take back. I have barely it seems been hanging on some days. Granted the weather is hot and horrible and that is my excuse for most days but the weather is not going to last forever. And, neither does depression/grief/anxiety/feelings. That's what happens when stuff like this happens in one's family. Whether you had a close bond or not it doesn't matter that relationship is gone forever. There is no getting it back till its our time to go to Heaven. That is why I don't get why these gang memebers do what they do. They don't kill over money or things they do it for acceptance and recognition. They rip people's lives apart and tear families grief beyond repair, all for recognition. You would think places like Chicago and California would make tougher laws , go in these neighborhoods and rid of it. My lans last night alone in Chicago they had 5 murders all gang related one was a little girl. She however was not murdered, thank God. But, she is a victim of their violence living in this world full of fear. Chicago's murder rate alone this year is now up to 272 innocent victims. California had 272 a month ago, innocent murdered victims, women, men, little babies. No one is immune !!! Pastor Corey Brooks God Bless his soul is as I have stated before walking across this country the USA making a stand against gang violence. His son had to go to the hospital in a city they were walking in due to heat related illness. That is not stopping them from walking !! I have been corresponding with him since he started this walk. I will and plan on meeting him when he gets close to my city. Please pray for him and his congregation as they are truly angels they do care !!!! I do not have the funds to donate to the organization at the moment but believe me when I do get the funds its worth every penny !!! So, please as well join me in prayer for their journey, Walk Across America/ Project Hood ( HELPING OTHERS OBTAIN DESTINY ) in memory of my grandson & Angelica and Pastor Oscar Duncan & Baby Angel and ALL the other victims !!!! God Bless & Good night for now !!! I LOVE YOU EMANUEL I ALWAYS HOLD YOU CLOSE TO MY HEART --THE LOVE I HOLD FOR YOU NO ONE CAN EVER STEAL, KILL OR RIP APART !!!! LOVE ALWAYS GRANDMA HEATHER

JULY 2ND, 2012

""PRACTICE RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS""' Share a smile. Be Kind to Others. Pass It On "" !!!

Good Morning everyone !!! So we got through the Light A Candle In Your Driveway Day. Now this month marks Emanuel's, our grandsons birthday. On July 5th he would be turning 19 years old. Most 19 year olds have their life in the palm of their hands. Their dreams their goals in life they are getting ready to fulfill. My grandson NEVER got to fulfill that opportunity. His family never got to say I am so proud of you for the accomplishments you have made in your life. Granted, we are though. Even in his short life span that he lived he lived it to the fullest . Always had a smile on his face always helping out his family and friends for that we are so very proud beyond words. His high-school did graduate him even though he was not there physically. His teachers loved his spirit and he was a good student each one of them told my husband that the day he had the opportunity to meet them, when he was out there. As hard as this is for me at times to blog and tell the world our story I still feel a sense of peace inside. As hard as that is for some to understand that as you never will unless you have gone through it. And, I pray no one will EVER have to go through what we went through. That is my entire goal from doing this is awareness. Making people aware of what goes on in these larger cities that we live. Some are so comfortable in their homes they don't pay attention until its too late. That wasn't our case. Watts is a very dangerous neighborhood. The law enforcement has made it this way. And now other people are taking a stand finally to be rid of the fear. I am soooo ecstatic to be able to write that the governor or the community is taking a stand and FINALLY in the process of choosing a developing contractor to go in Watts and tear down Jordan Down Projects that have been overrun by gang activity. They are wanting to rebuild the community with decent housing and stores, restaurants etc. To me that is sooo bittersweet. It reminds me of a friend of ours. He did that for a living owned a contracting company. Well, he was murdered earlier this year. I know in my heart of hearts he is an angel helping guide this project, as the fact is if he was still here with us he would probably want to snag this project. Watts is the start, yes. But, we need this to continue in every large city. Every city that has empty abandonment buildings. That is what the gang members do they take over such awful living quarters. Buildings that have been condemned they use it for their headquarters sometimes they live in them. If you live in these large communities keep your eyes open. Don't let children your children play near them. See, this is also Pastor Brooks goal to raise money to be able to do such a huge project. Anyone can do this. It takes a whole lot of love and commitment to make such a thing happen. So, I ask of you on July 5th of this year to Practice Random Acts Of Kindness in honor of my grandson turning 19. Help these people make our neighborhoods safer. Even if it is just smiling at a stranger. The kinder the people are in this world we live in the safer our streets will be for our children.

June 30th, 2012

Hello everyone !! It is Saturday night and so much to write about here.

Maybe someone is reading my blog and spreading the message, or maybe Californians are just tired of the overrun gang neighborhoods I don't know. I have put blogging aside for the past couple of weeks to get a breather. I received a text message this evening saying they arrested the murderer of Little Baby Angel. FINALLY !! I don't know what I am feeling other than a bunch of overwhelming emotions. For one, why didn't they offer an award for my grandsons murderer? Maybe, it would have prevented this babies death. As it has been known that it was the same bunch of monsters that gunned down Emanuel & Angelica. They are also known for having ties to previous murders. I started this blog in honor of my grandson and so many other innocent victims. Just because you live in these forgotten neighborhoods, does not label you as gang related/affiliated. These kids that grow up in these neighborhoods some come from decent hard working families. They have the same dreams as you and I did when we were kids. But, they are subjected to this lifestyle of "' survival" !! They don't know any other way. They make friends with some of these members just as a mere way too survive. Throughout their entire childhood they are exposed to this as long as they live in these "' forgotten neighborhoods ". So, after receiving this text message tonight I decided to finally after weeks of giving up hope click on to LA TIMES. I see a story of the assailant captured and arraigned on Friday though of course no follow up story yet on the arraignment. Then, I saw a story where LA is seeking developers for rebuilding Watts into a better community !! Ohhh thank you God !!! My grandkids spent half their childhood growing up there. They made lasting friendships there they went to school there. It needs to be a better community. There are soooo many communities in the USA that need to have someone step up to make it a safer place to raise children. A place where you can feel safe wearing a certain color of shirt and not fear for your life that you will get shot over wearing the color purple or grey or black !!! That way of the world seriously needs to stop !! This killer of this one year old baby boy is 15 a teenage boy !!!!!! I feel absolutely NO REMORSE for him no sadness as I feel in my gut; the deepest part of my gut he has ties to my grandsons death !!! The world my friends is getting fed up with this wreckless behavior of little boys playing with big men toys; little scrawney men behind guns !!!! And, as I am typing this Pastor Corey Brooks is still on his long journey of walking from one end of the USA to the other end to make a stand against violence !!! AMEN Pastor Corey Brooks thank you for doing what you are doing !! As well when I read through LA Times a beautiful little 5 year old girl was murdered by a family member on June 13th of this year. A few days before we did Light A Candle In Your Driveway. I will NEVER understand the evil that plaques people to resort to this kind of behavior !!! This behavior is intolerable !! These notorious gang members are out numbering the police in any state no state in this country is immune; believe me . They have more money than an average hard working citizen ( dirty money that is ) . They walk around with high powered weapons that out number the law's weapons. They walk around with cell phones and access to social networks !!! WOW !!!! And yet their victims out number the soldiers that were killed in active duty this year !!! The one's fighting for and laying their life down for our freedom !! WOW !!! But the more information and the more people that get tired of innocent victims/babies being gunned down and people start taking a stand I am telling ya changes happen !! God makes changes happen !!!! God answers prayers in His time not ours !! And with God by our side anything is possible !!! So, with that goodnight and always always stay safe !! Much love to everyone who participated on National Light A Candle In Your Driveway !!!