Friday June 15th,2012

""A Little Tear A Little Crying For Not All Of Life Is Smiling """

Ohhhh how that phrase rings true some days. I started off with morning coffee conversation in how fast a year a goes by. Reflections. Reflecting on how good things were a year ago today. Then how everything in our lives changed boom in the blink of an eye. But then the wonderful man that I am married to always takes that to another level. A more positive level he never lets me stay stuck in the dark for very long. He said well I have no doubt that our Emanuel is happy where he is at. There is NO doubt in anyone's heart that that boy is dancing and smiling and laughing up there in Heaven. I REALLY do try to stay positive in my everyday routine of life. I don't enjoy telling the world about my families struggle and pain and grief. But flip that around, there is alot of pain and struggle my family went through and we have survived done more than just survive. There will always be tears of what could have been and why did it have to happen. But, for me its always about honoring my grandson the grandson I never got too meet. But, someday I will meet him. It just wasn't and wont be in this lifetime. YES !! I want more than anything to see changes occur in these lost and forgotten neighborhoods. I want EVERY child in this world to feel safe where they live. I guess I am that voice to try and make it happen. I don't know. I reflect on the day we found out about Manuel's death I was at work got the call and about dropped to my knees. Literally !! So I was told to leave and go be with my family. I wasn't able to just drop everything and go be with my stepdaughter who needed me terribly. I had a child of my own to take care of. BELIEVE ME I wanted to so bad !! I regret not being able to do that but was thankful and grateful my husband went . I realized then that I just can not sit here and do nothing but grieve. When the neighborhood in Watts realized what happened they got a posse gathered together of love. They went and swarmed my families driveway with candles and makeshift items that Manuel loved. Flowers, roses teddy bears Dexter stuffed animals ( Dexter was and always will be his nickname ) and tons and tons of lit candles . A flock of Manuel's friends and family flocked to me knowing my situation of not being able to be there flocked to me on facebook out of unconditional love over someone they had never met . It was also a week before Manuel's' what was to be his high school graduation and his sisters jr high school graduation. For a grandma to not be there was heart breaking. It was also always will be three days before my birthday. Maybe just maybe someday I will get over that but I just can't shake that most days. I have since stayed in touch with Manuel's girlfriend at that time. I chat with them when they feel scared or sad or have good news to share. Most of us will NEVER know what it feels like to be a child growing up in these forgotten lost communities that the people whom live there call their home. I label them forgotten as the government is doing nothing to make these places safer. The lack of health care available to these people the lack of food banks the lack of decent safe schooling. Most of the school out there you enter through a check lane like at air ports and court houses. They have bars on the windows on homes etc. Most of us go to bed at night and feel safe we don't hear gun shots . Or maybe some of us do. But most of us don't have to feel scared of standing on a specific street corner wearing the color purple and not fear our lives ending because we are wearing that color. Or maybe some of us do. As well as some don't have to fear standing in their own driveway and not worry about gangsters driving by with A-K's or whatever kind of weapon aiming fire. Or maybe some of us do. I just feel that it is past due time someone with more clout and recognition than myself, stand up and go in these forgotten neighborhoods to help make them safer. Whether its a famous rapper,musician,politician I don't care just do it !!! For the love of our children and our future do it !!! Most of you probably that are reading this are saying ya okay whatever. Well, shame on you for not being a voice !! I am not crazy I am just a mom and a grandma that is tired of seeing my loved one's die due to violence and gang shootings !! That if these forgotten neighborhoods were better patrolled and our rights weren't being violated this behavior would not happen !! So with the weekend upon us I just hope and pray everyone remembers Monday June 18th. What it means to me and my family that the world participate for a safer world. That they remember there are innocent shootings out there !! That just because you live in a gang ridden community does not make you one of them !!! That Monday June 18th is the date that my grandson became our forever angel while standing in his own driveway. That is why it is and I always want it to be; National Light A Candle In Your Driveway Day that where ever you live east coast,west coast, mountain, pacific region that when 10pm strikes on your clock light a candle for Emanuel and Angelica. As they would have done if this was one of yours !!! Thank you and I hope you have a most blessed and safe weekend !!